Original Limericks

For St. Patrick’s Day, March 17 in the Year of Our Lord 2023, the Denver Press Club held a limerick writing contest. I put together a few that you might enjoy. All limericks are original compositions.

A lady who liked to write books
Had all the brains, charm and the looks,
But her breath was so bad
That her boyfriend went mad
So she dated some Match-dot-com schnooks.

There once was a man with a cow
‘Cause his dear wife had left him somehow
When they started to touch
It became much too much
So that heifer wears pantaloons now.

A professor whose knowledge of science
Dates back to the Triple-Alliance,
Said with a harumph
Yes I voted for Trump
And your ballots are out of compliance.

There’s a father who liked to hike nude
Left ten kids for a brief interlude
As he climbed a 14er
He froze off his wiener,
So now he can’t add to his brood.

A traveler on the A train
Whose face could not hide his disdain.
Squirmed in his chair
Wondering ‘Will I get there?”
An RTD common refrain.

A writer drank scotch on the rocks
And lost all regard for the clocks
“Go ho-o-ome” was the shout,
But his luck had run out.
‘Cause his wife had changed all of the locks.

A spinster had started to doubt
If her bathing suit bore enough clout
“Ma’am, did’n mean to ignore ya
But Faith and begorrah,
Yer wearin’ that thing inside out.”

(fractured)
There once was a man from Killarney,
Who over-engaged in the Blarney.
He spoke too much craic,
Was told “Never come back”
So he packed up and moved to Greeley.

(fractured)
There was a man riding a donkey,
Whose steering was just a bit wonky,
He rode down a hill
And took such a great spill,
That now his head really is up his ass.

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