Testify, My Brother!

Today’s Adventure of the Day? Well, never have I ever!

I testified before the Colorado State Legislature in support of HR21-1198, a bill that will protect uninsured and under-insured persons from unscrupulous billing by hospitals and healthcare centers. It was practice for my court case next Wednesday.

I answered an email early this morning that I missed five days ago. It asked me to contact the Colorado Health Initiatives about possibly lending my testimony to the House Health and Insurance Committee. I learned the hearing was today. If able, I could testify remotely via WebEx.

I signed up. I got the link. I got all my work done and skipped lunch in order to participate.

I never used WebEx before, but I’m a veteran of Zoom and Skype. How different could it be? I was in work attire, which these days is an insulated shirt and a fleece-lined flannel plaid jacket. Don’t forget the obligatory Irish flag neck gaiter. I work out of my Jeep, and the Yeti is actually quite accommodating. I thought about using the company’s model home to jump onto the remote video call. There is wifi there, but also the chance that prospective home buying folks would be interrupting to look at the. Model. Home.

T25 and counting. I had to find a bathroom. Portopotty around the corner. Check.

I decided to take my chances with that, but when the clock was about to strike one, a noisy bulldozer was moving earth immediately next door. My teeth were rattling from a distance, and I could only imagine not being able to hear or be heard.  I decided to find an out-of-the-way place to park. Wifi be damned, I’ll use my phone! T20 minutes and counting.

I set up my phone on the dash clip of the Yeti, and moved it to frame my face perfectly.  Per instructions, I logged into the call early to make sure it worked.

WebEx message: “Your browser does not support this app.”

Yikes! Ah, but I also have my work phone. Sadly, it doesn’t fit in the dash clip. I forward the contact info to that phone and log in.

“Do you want to load the WebEx app?”

YES! Load the app. I click on the Install button. Spinny thing, spinny thing, spinny thing… T15 and counting.  Spinny thing, spinny thing, spinny thing…. Finally, the little clockface starts to fill in. Slowly. Very, very slowly. And then, the message “Installing app.” It was up there long enough for me to wonder if it was broken. Then, success! I had the app. Now, all I had to do was…

T5 minutes and counting. Answer the call from my boss. Yes, I have that information right here. Is that all you need? Good. Talk to you later. Bye.

T2 minutes and counting. Answer another phone call from my boss. “Sorry, I pushed the redial button, man.” I find the setting on the phone that immediately sends incoming calls to voicemail.

T1 minute and counting. I connect to the meeting. I turn on the video but mute the sound. I join the meeting and the video goes away. I’m not worried. It’s a bonus for the people who would otherwise have to look at me.

T30 seconds and counting. A big truck rumbles by. I learn that in a new housing track, there are no out-of-the-way streets. The systematic parade of big trucks continues, one just about every five minutes.

T -2 seconds and counting. The hearing begins. Witnesses are limited to three minutes. I have no idea how many witnesses and committee members are speaking. Since I’m not on video or audio at this point, I pull out some paperwork and make to do lists – actual work.

T – 65 minutes and counting. I send a text to my contact. “Am I even on the docket? I can’t click on any buttons and I don’t see my name on here anymore.”  “Lemme check. Yes, you’re still on.”

T -69 minutes and counting. The phone rings. WT–? Don’t say any bad words, just in case you’re not muted. But that was supposed to go direct to voicemail. I have no idea who is calling.

T -75 minutes and counting. The State Legislature remote sessions have a blinky-light system, the technical term, that flashes green until the last 30 seconds, when it turns yellow and then red when your time is up and Les Brown and his Band of Renowns plays the theme music and you are ushered off. Not really, but I marveled at how well some of the speakers wrapped up perfectly as the clock hit zero. Earlier, I timed my presentation to precisely three minutes.

T -87 minutes and counting. It’s my turn. I thank Madame Chairman and the committee, and deliver my testimony. I’m doing fine without notes for the first minute. Then I glance down. I’m doing fine. I look up at the screen and my blinky-light system is GONE.  I go on with the rest of my presentation. I skipped two salient points by mistake, but I finished.

T -90 and counting. Madame Chairman speaks. “We have a few witnesses left and I just want to remind everyone that while Mr. Gleason probably didn’t know it, there is a three-minute time limit.

“Dammit!” *I check the mute button just to be sure*

I left the meeting, although I would have loved to see the process through to the end. On my ride home, I got a text from my contact thanking me and telling me the bill passed the committee 8-5.